Rules of the road

I haven’t lived this long without picking up a few important things worth sharing. Here are some simple rules that I live by:

• Never. Drink. Tequila.
• Shake hands like you mean it…that limp girly thing is just nasty.
• Never buy a piece of clothing that comes with jewelry already attached to it.
• Don’t expect a confirmed liar to ever tell you the truth.
• Know how to cook at least one meal that will impress company.
• Understand that, if everyone threw their troubles out onto a pile on the floor, you really would pick your own right back up. (Thanks for that one, Grandmama.)
• If someone tells you you’re pretty, just hush up and accept the compliment.
• Don’t ever wear leggings without something covering up your important parts (or you won’t get any compliments to accept).
• If all else fails and you have to lie…do it big. (Especially if you’ve been drinking tequila.)
• Always wear a bra to work. (I stole that one, but it’s too important to forget!)
• Sometimes all you actually have to do is breathe.
• Floss those damn teeth!
• Love yourself first.
• That 3rd helping only sounds like a good idea.
• Go ahead and dance…you’ll probably never even see those fools again. (Warning…disregard this one if there’s been any tequila involved.)
• Learn to say no.
• You can set as many alarms as you want, but it’s all about eventually getting your ass out of that bed.
• A blinker doesn’t turn a car. (Thank you, Mama.)
• Don’t leave until the credits are over.
• You deserve top shelf liquor. Just no tequila…seriously.

Just say “NO!”